Dear Platypus,

I told you I wouldn’t write this, but then I thought to myself… Well, I never promised.

You’re a friend of mine who is as likely to say “Good Morning” at one in the morning as you are to flash a priest in the middle of a church.

… And that’s very likely (in fact, both have happened). Try to avoid an exorcism, girl.

Stay strong.

Yours sincerely,