you say
you don’t want
a sister.
you say
that you want
me“.

you’re
suffocating me,
darling.
i know
you
don’t mean to.

you
aren’t even aware.
yes,
you understand.
you aren’t
a fool.
yet in your concern,
you blame
the first thing
that i mention.

you say you hate him.

it’s
a peculiar thought:
i don’t hate him.
in fact,
i
don’t believe
i ever did.
disappointment?
yes.
betrayal? yes.

despite
all that
he did to me,
i can’t
bring myself
to feel “hate“.

the fear
remains.

you’re asking me
to open up-
to rouse myself
from this
pale slumber.

i refuse.

this
is my
healing.
yes,
i break
with purpose.
many
of my wounds
are self-inflicted.

star,
we are kindred.

i will accept that.

this guilt
and worry
and
crumbling determination,
this
clingy obsession,
this love
sets off
alarms
in my heart
and my head.

it isn’t your fault.

you don’t know
what words
you speak
and what i
hear.

you don’t know.

back up
to
where we started,
good friend.
you name reasons
to love me
but still,
you don’t know why.

to love
who you fear
is
a talent
i’ve honed
to perfection.

don’t love like i do.

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