I thought that the breaking point would hurt more than this;
and yet it doesn't. It's a mere prickling on my skin,
coupled with enraptured Confusion at my left
and timid Exhilaration to the right.

I'm still holding on to the thought ... of you
but, at the least, I'm not running.
You always felt like you were talking to the wall,
asking cold stone to move aside;
to give a little.
The bricks didn't listen, and the artist
only carved another message upon their faces.

All you'll find here are the broken-up thoughts
of the groggy and the sleepless (but I dream. I dream!)
who tear themselves apart for the sake of their hope
when they've been strangling that dove for months.

Even then, I'll speak from the solace of my heart,
twisting the knife in my back one more time
so that I might complete the show and step off the stage.
I never really tried, and we all know that.
I never really put effort into anything
except for the panic that fueled my movement.
I've been seeking to understand,
but I've realized that it's so much easier
to admit I know nothing and step aside.

The easy way out is just before my eyes
four stories up with my head peeking through hell.
Plenty have told me that there are hundreds -
perhaps even thousands -
who would be devastated at the loss.
I don't argue, but it brings a smile to my shattered face.
I can count the variety who would be touched
at their distance, blanketed by merciful removal,
on two hands and half a bucket of lies.

Instead of following through with my ideas for the Fall,
I remained, and here you'll find me,
dancing about your head with these ugly words
that you, in your ignorance, call poetic.
I'm still sending stolen songs into the audience
on faded post-it notes signed in innocent blood,
hoping they'll listen and learn,
just the same.
I wish.

"I meant to sympathize. I meant to be a friend.
I know apologizing won't erase the end,
but I know that moving on is where I must begin
because when our colors mixed,
we couldn't fix the way they didn't blend.
So tell me, how long?
How long have I been down?"
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